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Non-Arrogance | C.S. Lewis has a cure
Oh what a lovely word from C.S. Lewis, especially good for information marketers, coaches, teachers, and anyone else who finds themselves passing on knowledge, wisdom or just plain facts:
“Think of me as a fellow patient in the same hospital who, having been admitted a little earlier could give some advice.”
For the rest of us, perhaps this quote is a lens through which we can look (anew) at our gurus/mentors…
There is always someone ahead and someone behind, each and every one of us. Such wonderfulness in that!
Coaching Tip: Never give away too much of your own power. Learn from and respect but never give too much power away to your mentor or coach, no matter how good they are, no matter who they are. Alway reserve what you need energetically, psychically and emotionally, to continue thinking for yourself. *No one else will.*
Question for you - a deeper one that may not call up answers right away, but - fingers crossed - may pop its head up at a later time.
How might you be giving too much power away to others? Do you try to ‘be like’ someone, model yourself on someone or someones, a little too much?
It’s fine to follow footsteps but not with your head down. When you’re taking a walk in the woods, if you don’t lift your head, it doesn’t matter if you’ve arrived at a beautiful meadow, does it?
“Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought.” — Matsuo Basho (1644-1694)
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Posted to: For Coaches| General
August 6th, 2007 at 10:57 am
Lovely words from YOU, Andrea! Thank you, I really enjoyed this and it’s a question I need to consider often.
August 8th, 2007 at 11:59 am
Absolutely right! We’re all learning and growing and it’s a journey we all share with each other.
August 8th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Andrea,
This is a fantastic article and much thanks goes out to you for reminding all of us that we each need to own our own power.
A friend of mine and I were just talking about this same idea right before your article came out. Relying TOO MUCH on others instead of trusting yourself creates dependence and adds to confusion.
The sign of a great coach is one who helps you to take responsibility and become your own “Guru,” while using their own expertise to give you other options.
Thanks for the awareness.
Marlene Chism
http://www.stopyourdrama.com
http://www.attitudebuilders.com
August 8th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Andrea -
Thanks for this - and yes, I’ve experienced this internal struggle not to give away too much of my own power each time I’ve met a new personal mentor/guru/teacher. Honoring and valuing what I bring to the equation sometimes has to be a conscious effort when dazzled by someone I am learning from.
At the moment though, I find myself on the other side of the equation. There is currently a large community of people learning from me. I am keenly aware of the potential for arrogance and false humility - and I find that my conscious effort now must be to take great care with the power I’ve been given. I try to do what Marlene said above, help others take responsibility to become their own guru. But even here, when I get feedback that I’ve been successful in doing this, I feel the pull of power and the need for true humility.
Recently in a meditation, after asking myself the question “who the heck do you think you are to be doing this kind of work?”, I received a powerful metaphor. I saw myself as learner, opening windows to great knowledge. And then I saw myself becoming the window for others who seek.
August 8th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Thanks Dear Andrea. Good sharing. Last night i make myself coachable..;-) Coming home feeling negative cos the coach was hard. Feeling my inner child was shivering in a corner. Has reminded myself be in conscious contact with my being. I am fine now….back to equilibrium. The journey to life wisdom is as soon and as short as from the head to heart.
August 8th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Hello Andrea,
I love, love, love, C.S.Lewis! His simplicity and yet depth is so moving and challenging. (I like challenges.)
I was recently lovingly confronted by a woman who is now my business mentor for acting too much like an “ingenue.” I knew immediately what she was talking about when she brought the subject up. It resonated! I have been thinking about how we let others take our power, how we give them power, and how we define the acceptability of our power.
Please keep your musings coming.
August 13th, 2007 at 4:04 am
Hi Andrea
Yes, I give away my power when I forget that someone is saying ‘this is how I did it’ not ‘this is the right way’. As soon as I remember that there is no ‘right way’, there is just ‘my way’ (’your way’, ‘their way’), my power returns.
Every success is achieved in an individual way - often an amalgamation of the mentors’ ideas…and sometimes totally breaking the mould! Giving away my power means forgetting that I am in the driving seat.
Love
Donna.x
August 20th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
Thanks Andrea, your article about “giving power away” is exactly what I needed to learn!I give too much power to my business model and coach. I follow her instructions and I am not creative anymore. I am like a slave. And there is a bit of fear too, if I follow my heart and do it my way, will it work or will I fail?
Sigh, relief! Thanks for this!
Karin Vrij
August 24th, 2007 at 11:42 am
I love your piece on giving power away. I have always adored C.S. Lewis and enjoy following the teachings of some of my favorite writers. Though I view myself as fairly well balanced power-wise, I find myself second guessing myself on some of my bigger decisions and looking to others for guidance. I believe this is another form of giving power away and not trusting myself fully.
August 30th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
I loved that quote from C.S. Lewis. It reminds me of a quote from another famous person, YOU!
The concept you have taught us and that I pass on to my solopreneurial clients is that all we as coaches/consultants/teachers need to be is 90 days ahead on the same path. That’s like C.S.’s concept of being down the hall from each other in the same hospital arriving only 90 minutes earlier!
I had a reminder of giving my power away, though didn’t know it at the time. I called a coach I know, at it much longer than me (3-5 years?), to network with him and to ask if he knew contacts in banks that might be interested in my workshop. He practially interogated me and questioned some of my language to be HELPFUL but he did it in such a way and I was in just enough of a vulnerable mood that I wound up crying! He was encouraging me in a chastising way (as heard by my inner child) to step into my power. Instead I gave it away to his “esteemed” opinion. I hung up realizing I may not ever call him again because of his confronting style. Just not useful to me.
thanks for this, Andrea