« « Coach Required as Television Host | Application due August 17 | Main | Winner of “Priceless Comment from a Coaching Client” Prize » »
Coaching Question of the Day | You Could Win!
“Dear Andrea,
I have a client who doesn’t like to plan. She is definitely living in the moment, yet she doesn’t like her situation - money, love life, business - she’s even unhappy with herself physically. How do I coach her when she resists planning ahead, even as far as a month or two?
She says she wants help building her business which is speaker training, and her business is doing ok as far as it goes - six figures, just. I just can’t seem to find a way ‘in’ to help…is she uncoachable or am I missing something?
– A.N., Missouri
Thanks A.N. for your great question. On the face of it, this may seem like an unusual circumstance for a coach to find a client in. However most coaches will work with clients who resist things - planning, focusing, letting go of control. So is this an issue of ‘not planning’ or ‘resistance’ or both?
Let’s see what our community of coaches has to say about this one and I’ll blog an overview with tips on how you can proceed in a separate blog post.
Coaches, post your suggestions and tips below - remember this kind of ’situational practice’ is an excellent way to sharpen the saw. And even if you’re unsure but want to give it a try - you can’t hurt this website, whereas ‘trying’ in certain situations when you’re out of your depth with a real client - can have damaging effects.
So comment on, and I will select a winner of the Coaching Question of the Day from the what unfolds.
P.S. The prize will be juicy - I’m still choosing! Lest you think the prize is a ploy… 
let’s put a bit of a parameter around it shall we? Minimum five posts required before the winner will be selected.
P.P.S. If you’re someone like me who hasn’t been to coach training school for a while - or maybe even ever? Be sure to stay tuned for an upcoming announcement of ‘The Sound of Coaching’ and self-study training on the IAC Masteries.
August 11th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
Dear A.N.
While your question seems simple, it has subtle complexities.
First of all, your client CLAIMS that she doesn’t like her situation, money, love life, etc. and yet, things don’t change. Sometimes when clients ‘say’ they want something and they don’t take action towards that, there is an underlying belief or idea that holds them back.
Your question about resisting planning ahead – even a month or two is tricky with certain types of clients. For some, planning more than a day ahead is far too overwhelming and instead of getting onboard, they shut down. For these types of clients, I always recommend TINY, TINY baby steps. If it’s too much, the client will either bail or totally resist. Clients like this need things chunked down – into very small, manageable bites. While many coaches work with people who can move by leaps and bounds, some clients do not fit that profile.
So, I’m known for two ‘famous’ questions: What it is costing you to keep things as they are? This question helps the client get in touch with their situation and realize just how bad things are. Typically, they come up with one or two things, but it’s good to encourage them to continue on.
The next part of that is to ask: How is it serving you to live in the moment and never plan ahead? 99% of the time, clients answer ‘It’s not.’ But that is NOT the REAL answer. There IS something they think they get out of staying put. i.e. it’s easier or safer; it’s more comfortable; I can’t fail; I won’t have to deal with success; I won’t feel overwhelmed, etc.
Another approach is to use another of my ‘famous’ questions: If this were a perfect world, and tomorrow you could magically have your love life in place, your business flourishing, money at your disposal, and have a dream body, what would that be like? CAUTION: The first response is usually ‘I would be thrilled.’ However, upon further exploration we usually discover that one or more of these brings up a fear. (i.e. If I have the ideal body and business is flourishing, I’ll be too busy dating and won’t have time to focus on work (or vice versa). Sometimes it’s necessary to give an example so the client realizes that if it were to happen, they might not be as thrilled as they think. Otherwise, they would be going towards their vision!
Bottom line – TINY baby steps for this type of client.
August 18th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Ok - I’ll play!
I’d take her at face value - she’s unhappy with all those areas. Ok, let’s have her pick one. The one she’s unhappiest with. Or, the one she’s MOST happy with. What would be “perfect” in that area? What’s her vision of “nirvana” in her love life for example?
Once we have the definition of the “goal” we’re shooting for, we can brainstorm different paths/actions to achieve it. I agree with Marion’s comment about - TINY baby steps for this type of client.
The most important thing doesn’t seem to be planning here - it seems to be getting clarity about what she really wants and then getting in motion. Because then the physics of momentum can kick in and keep her in action!
It may also be “gremlins” keeping her unhappy by the way. Many times when clients are asked to define their “ideal”, they find it’s not too far from their current reality! Often injecting an awareness of their values, or coming up with more ways for those values to get expressed in their life, can solve the issue too!
Elene
August 28th, 2007 at 9:27 am
Count me in too!
I’m gonna chime in for something a little unorthodox - looking for the client’s wisdom, genius and native rhythm in her expression of reluctance to ‘not plan’.
Staying still in a world that values action and achievement is uncomfortable and, for many, very overwhelming because in doing so we’re often defying convention and the authorities we’ve unknowingly pledged alliegence to in our life.
The drumbeat of the world is BIG, and to defy it takes great courage. Rather than see your client as someone unconsciously afraid and dragging her heels, you might consider this a courageous response rather than a self-sabotaging reaction.
We’re used to planning. Knowing or determining the next step. Mapping things out.
There’s great comfort in knowing. Often false comfort because that kind of knowing is not always the most ‘true’ knowning to be known (if you know what I mean!).
In short, knowing and planning are often a function of a mind attempting to control things and perform to expectation.
Resistance - if recontextualized - can be seen as resistance to a way that is not naturally ours, and the desire to find and dance our own rhythm, in sync with ourselves and a life of deep purpose, meaning and fulfilment.
Tapping into the purpose and power of our soul’s sense of direction and way means less planning and more allowing and adapting.
In those instances, surrender of personal will gets the biggest return (and the most traction and propulsion), and that’s often a counter-intuitive (and scareeey) place.
For both the client and the coach!
This client may be attempting to learn/access a more intuitive feel for the right way to proceed, a more spiritually sourced sense of direction than a linear (and potentially faulty) formulaic A+B=C response. In fact, planning may be reactive rather than responsive.
It’s very possible she may be attempting to live a faith-based response to listen for direction, and an intuitive sense that planning will involve her head more than her heart.
If you consider her soul in possession of ‘the plan’, this becomes less about figuring out next steps and plans and more about tapping into the flow of her natural genius and wisdom, and following where (and how) both would lead her.
Knowing only what has been written, I’d begin by asking this client: if you took your reluctance to plan as your wisdom and native rhythm talking, and listened for ‘why’ it’s a good idea not to plan, what do you hear?
And how do you feel as you listen?
A spiritual mentor of mine once said: ‘Don’t just do something. Stand there.’
Best advise I’ve ever gotten. And one of the toughest - but most powerful - places to coach from.
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:01 pm
I’m not a coach (probably “yet”) but here’s my take on the question ~
Part of my personal “reluctance to plan”, especially in business situations, comes from the story of King Midas and the Golden Touch, heard when I was very-very young.
Midas was granted his wish that ‘everything he touches turns to gold’. It was marvelous, as long as he was dealing with plates and spoons and furniture, but when he hugged his daughter, she turned to gold, too!
I’m sure the genie cured the situation, but I don’t remember how. What I *do* remember is the moral of the story: “Be careful what you wish for!”
Many jokes are built on this premise, too, so the message is reinforced often throughout our lives.
“Fear of unforeseen (or vaguely foreseen) results” - ‘If I lose weight and get in shape, I’ll be swamped by creeps like my sister’s ex’, or ‘If I’m making lots of money, I’ll have to learn what to do with it, and I don’t have time’ (or ‘I’m horrible at math’)( or ‘real money scares me’) leads to the next question - “What can you do to avoid/resolve *that* situation?”.
The client’s answers to “What are you *really* afraid of?” may take you on a long, winding path, but I’ve found in my almost-a-year working with coach Kamin Bell, that once I get to the real problem, it pretty much melts away! If there’s still resistance, there’s another layer or two to dig through.
Fare well in your digging!
September 14th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Why talk about “planning” with her? Talk about “dreaming”… Rather than talking about her “plans”, invite her to talk and articulate her “dreams”. Follow this with a conversation along the lines of “Imagine you DID fulfill that dream… What was the key to make it hasppen?” (You can call this second part of the process “pre-mortem”, if you will.)
If you can get her to do this, she will in fact have done some solid planning. After logging sone good “dreaming” and “pre-mortem” with her, ask her “As far as you are concerned, what is ‘planning’ all about? How different is it from the ‘dreaming’ we have been pursuing?” She will realize she has been doing - and ejoying - planning…
September 14th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
As Abraham Maslow says, “You will either step forward into growth or you will step back into safety.”
She doesn’t have to plan if that’s not how she works. She does have to be clear about what she wants. If that’s not the problem, then, for every action she is about to take she can ask herself if it is moving her towards or away from what she wants.
Our outcomes are a result of the choices we make. Some people need to see the path laid out carefully, some are much more comfortable winging it.
The important point here is that she needs to be very clear about where whe wants to end up so she can continually head in the right direction.
September 14th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
I agree with Lissa to a great degree. There is great wisdom in moving forward from spirit rather than directing(planning) everything with the mind. The key is to set your intention, your desires. It is not important for this person to map out, or plan, how to get where she is going, but it is very important that she set her intentions.
I would get her to focus her energy everyday on what she desires most. Use visualization and even write down her vision for her ideal life. Have her do the exercise of visualizing, speaking and writing down this vision as a beginning to her day. This will set her intention and help to keep her aligned with her true desires.
It is important to stay in the present moment, but that does not mean you shouldn’t know where you want to go. If you set your new intention for what you wish to create, you begin to replace the current experience you have created for yourself with the new creation you now desire. Otherwise, the momentum of your life continues to be a strong influence on the present.
An object in motion stays in motion unless force is exerted to change its direction. This applies to your life as much as it does to any other phenomena. Change in direction requires change in intention.
September 14th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
First things first: does she really want help with all the areas in which she seems unhappy, or does she just want coaching to help her business? While there may be some overlap, it seems important to respect what she wants and is ready for, rather than jumping to what you think she might need.
Assuming she is agreeable to being coached in these specific areas, can she describe what she’d prefer to be the case in each?
Once she has identified some outcomes that she would like, I’d use a visualization to take her ahead into the future when she has achieved them. In this future she is being interviewed by someone with whom she feels comfortable, who asks her what was her first small step toward the desired outcome? What were the obstacles and how did she overcome them? How did she achieve these outcomes–if without planning ahead, then how? The core of the strategy would be to free up what she already knows, somewhere deeper inside than where you’re looking at the moment. Good luck!
September 14th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
I agree with many of the other posters that the client needs to have some sort of goal ahead.
Some clients are not visual, though, so they do not “see” it, but “feel” or “hear” it. “Describe your goal”, “what does it feel/sound like?” may be a better question.
I would also start with a realizable goal for tomorrow! Maybe she could eat 6 servings of fruit and veggies, make 3 phone calls, clean up 1 small pile of papers, or whatever to achieve a little goal. Once she can accomplish that, planning further ahead may be more comfortable. Past experience in not meeting goals may be scaring her.
September 14th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Many people fall into the category of ‘not wanting to plan’. The first thing I would do as a coach is suspend judgement about this approach to life and seek to work with the client to uncover strategies that work for her.
It is possible that a personality test such as the Myers Briggs Type Indicator may help her to understand how she expresses her world view and act as a validation that she is not alone and not ‘wrong’ in wanting to live for the moment. An acceptance of where she is at will allow for her to move forward, maximising her strengths, and being aware that she can draw on other aspects of her personality as well to find greater balance.
Helping her to understand her values and motivations, and linking these into her needs may also set the scene for looking at the more specific areas she is unhappy with in her life. Are these because her values are not being fully expressed or honoured? Are her needs being acknowledged or put aside because her motivation is to please others? Is she held back by a perfectionist approach which is paralysing her, afraid to plan and act in case she fails to do it ‘properly’?
Gentle questioning can help to uncover what she sees as her perfect life and how she thinks she might be able to achieve it.
Is she afraid to plan and begin to change because she isn’t clear on what it is she really wants? Is she trying hard to move away from what is not fulfilling, or is she drawn to move towards something which may be fulfilling? Gaining clarity in what she wants to achieve, maintain, eradicate or avoid in her life gets to some of the specifics and puts in place a framework in which to make decisions about what she actually wants her life to be like.
Investigating the benefits that will come with each of these things gives a compelling reason to actually start to put some very basic plans into action. Getting an overall idea of the desired result and what that will bring her, then breaking it down into easy small steps is the way to go. Any plan should be a framework to support her, not a rigid structure which will restrict and discourage her.
Concentrating on one thing at a time will be less overwhelming and will allow her to see concrete results that will encourage her to keep going. Taking those tiny steps and acknowledging and celebrating each small success will also build a sense of capability and confidence that planning can work for her and that it can be effective and worthwhile.
Finding out what has worked for her in the past and building on it also puts the power back in her own hands. Looking honestly at the things that usually trip her up will help to put some contingencies in place to deal with them.
Whooow - lots of stuff - but it isn’t a quick fix
Building the relationship, getting to know the client and assisting her to get to know herself - it all builds the foundation for helping her achieve her own dreams.
I hope some of my ideas are of help. I’m down under in New Zealand and really value sharing with colleagues in other parts of the world.
September 14th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
First, I may be missing something about the whole “planning issue.” It sounds like the coach is the one who thinks it is a planning issue … and that the coach sees “not planning” as a negative. Unless the coach has actually uncovered something not disclosed in the description, I would not even go that route.
Instead I would focus on the fact that she is “unhappy” in her life - money, love, physically, etc. First, I would ask the client to identify a specific area in her life she wants to focus on first. If the client is unsure, I would elicit values and ask which area is most important in her life right now.
Once an area of life is identified in which she is unhappy, I would want to isolate further and ask … ‘what specifically is she unhappy about “x”?’ Depending on her answer, I may reiterate the question and ask what she is unhappy with regard to ___ (her prior answer).
Once we get a clear workable level of where she is unhappy, I would ask “how/why is that (the above answer) a problem in your life?” it is usually the “why something is a problem” that gets to the underlying driver of the “unhappiness” and is the real problem to focus on.
I would also want to know if there was ever a time she was happy with “x.” If there was, I would explore further the contrast between now and before. Look to find the differences making the difference between now and then and focus on how to bring more of those differences back in her life.
If there was not a time when she was happy with “x,” then I would explore (as mentioned in an earlier post), what is the benefit to staying in her current “unhappy” situation? the main reason, in my experience, why people stay stuck in a pattern is because they are gaining greater benefit (in their minds) from the “unhappy” situation than from changing.
I have found that secondary gains are usually caused by 1.) unmet needs; or 2.) values conflicts. Eg., someone may stay overweight and not exercise if they get a sense of safety or protection. Values conflicts can create gridlock in multiple areas of life. Eg., she feels like that time for exercise will take away or conflict with growing her business. It’s an “either or” mentality. With this, I would help the client find a way of doing both.
Before I got into any discussion of solution or action plan, I would first ask 1.) if the client truly wants to make a change now; 2.) what is the change or desired outcome; 3.) what will that change do for her life; and 3.) on a scale of 1-10, how committed is she to making the change? If not a 10, what is getting in the way?
I make no assumption about whether people want to make a change, even if they complain about their lives. I make no assumption, even if a client says they want change, what is their commitment level to the change. If it is not a 9 or 10, in my experience. the change is not going to happen and/or stick and we need to focus on what is blocking the commitment level. So the action step would all depend on the answers to the above.
My final comment … if the client has been unhappy with her life for a while and it seems to be driven from past trauma, unresolved deep emotional issues, etc., I would suggest that she see a therapist, or if chronic depression, a doctor.
September 14th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
This is an awesome exercise! I love the thinking and sharing going on here!
I don’t think I want to focus on the client in this situation, but on the coach. Why does the coach seem to need to move to plan/action before the client is ready? Is the coach truly allowing the client to set the agenda? Has the coach suspended judgement about how the client wants to attack her problems… even if that means doing nothing? As I read the scenario I felt the coach wanting something the client didn’t want (yet). But a coach’s wants/needs have to be set aside, the focus must be on what the client wants. I sense the coach defining success for the client and not waiting for the client to define it for herself.
A way the coach could address all this with the client: “You hired me because you want positive change in your life. How do you believe that change will occur? What do you believe you need to do to get there? How can I help you get there?”
One of the hardest lessons I had to face as a coach: relinquishing control over the session and agenda.
Still learning,
Lisa
September 14th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
And she does’nt like to plan, and she is unhappy with her situation, and she wants help building her business. And you can’t seem to find a way ‘in’ to help …
Let’s open the door and ask this fantastic question: What would you like to have happen…?
The first and powerfull question of a coaching process that is called Symbolic modelling using Clean language. Help your client self model her pattern and discover a resource of transformation. A change in a part of a system affect the whole. You will find plenty of resources on this site: http://www.cleanlanguage.co.uk
that will convince you to stay clean with your clients and work with them elucidate their metaphoric landscape instead of imposing yours.
September 15th, 2007 at 6:23 am
I want to play too!
“I have a client who doesn’t like to plan.”
When I see this, it causes me to ask the client the question, what does planning mean to you. There is an interesting balance between living in the moment and being completely present and accomplishing the tasks that move you closer to what you desire. Planning is one of those tasks-
stay with me here this gets a bit tricky . . .
“She is definitely living in the moment, yet she doesn’t like her situation - money, love life, business - she’s even unhappy with herself physically.”
How do you know she is living in the moment?
If someone’s focus is on what they don’t like, they are also not likely to truly be in the moment. To be truly in the moment is to recognize the perfection of the moment and to be happy in that perfection. Then the things that could be more perfect are somehow transformed to the realm of what would be even better or preferences.
Teach her to create the environments that support her in her definition of perfect. Ask her to tell you what would be better in each of these areas -what would she reach for if she could paint the canvas any way she desired? So, instead of her focus on what she doesn’t like have her tell you how she wants it to be in her perfect world.
When someone is down on who they are the focus needs to be on rebuilding or building self esteem and self trust.
“How do I coach her when she resists planning ahead, even as far as a month or two?”
I would take my attention and focus off the resistance to planning and view that as a symptom of something deeper that is going on for her. Instead of making planning the focus of coaching go deeper.
Once she has stated what she truly desires in each area of her life, go deeper yet and ask what will you have when you have this? Why is that important. You are looking for the energy of passion and depth and be sure she has herself in the equation. This exercise can elicit hidden fears, these are usually related to the fear of the unknown–the illusions of possible consequences of change.
“She says she wants help building her business which is speaker training, and her business is doing ok as far as it goes - six figures, just.”
She is her business and until she addresses the
issues in her life that she has negativity about, it is going to be difficult to address business growth. The how to grow the business will flow organically and naturally out of the evolution from the other areas-
and that brings us back to planning– I would chunk this way down to what one step can you now take that will move you closer to your desired end result– re-frame planning to the next step in each area.
I hope this helps
September 15th, 2007 at 10:20 am
I have to endorse the question raised by Denise Corcoran - is this a Coach issue rather than a Client issue?
If it is something for the client, then I suggest you start with where she is - go to her map of the world. Set her an exercise to spend one whole day doing no planning at all, absolutely NONE. She must then write down every instance when she did plan despite her claim. How did she get out of bed and dress for the day? How did she find her way to work? Fill the car? Do the shopping? Cook a meal?
Second exercise - where else in her life does she have longer range plans? Does she insure her home? What about her life? Savings and investments? Kids? Holidays?
Once she has evidence of having planned and the useful outcomes it can generate then it will be easier for her to move forward and you can work with her to whatever end she desires.
Well you could, couldn’t you…?
Paul
September 15th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Wow - what a great conversation!
Thanks for all the great take aways, everybody. I’m really, really pumped.
And Andrea - thanks for putting the question out for collective collaboration. There’s nothing like it…
Lissa
September 15th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
We know a little of what she says she wants, but I’m not so sure those are the real goals. Actually, I’m pretty positive they’re just window dressing for the real objectives. From what you’ve written, you’ve got a real opportunity to help this client find not only money, but also “meaning & beyond” (wink, wink). What kind of meaning and values is she (or would she like to be) happily expressing in her life?
Planning isn’t appealing to her, so find out what will appeal. I’d look for ways to start giving her meaning and satisfaction right now, to give her a kickstart and focus on what she *does* want (rather than what she doesn’t). What would more money give her or allow for her? What would a “love life” look like and what elements of it does she already have - or could she have - and what is she doing to pursue it/them?
Finally, you could outright ask her if she realizes that she’s resisting making any changes (if she indeed is, or is that only your take on the matter?) from your perspective, and see what she says. Some people don’t realize that they’re just looking for someone to confirm that it’s impossible for them to change, and they need a “mirror” to reflect their resistance back to them. Only then do they see what they’re doing, and it usually opens them up to new possibility
September 15th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Dear A.N~
I understand how you feel, I’ve felt this way as well and I think I’ve found a way to help your Client out.
There might be a lot of reasons why she’s having a hard time planning ahead; don’t get me wrong, but sitting down and writing down our goals sometimes is as fun as having a root canal.
I’m going to go on the edge here, and offer a solution that might be just what the doctor ordered, and that’s also helped some of my Clients as well.
Let me tell you a story…
One day I sat down to try to set some goals for myself, I remember looking at my watch and seeing it was 8 in the morning; I must have entered the twilight zone at that point, because when I looked at my watch again, it was 5 in the afternoon and I was still sitting there and a blank page was staring right back at me, its horrible beady eyes drove a cold chill down my back.
Rather than getting discouraged, I started to think of a way out of my conundrum. That day my son had been playing out in the yard with a big cardboard box, and as I looked at it, it suddenly hit me.
I realized that I had been living in a box for quite some time, but I also saw how easy it was to step out of it and start doing things differently. A world of opportunity was suddenly open to me. Full of energy, I sat back down again and here’s what I did…
I started writing my tomorrows; I started to describe what my next day was, what it felt like, how it smelled, how it looked, how grateful I was with what the day had brought me. I was ecstatic, I was free to explore whatever possibility I wanted and I knew there were no limits to what my imagination could muster.
When you think about it, there’s no real reason why we can’t write our own future; it just takes waking up our creative genius, and he’s always there waiting for us to let him loose.
Our subconscious minds don’t really make a difference between how we describe reality and how we perceive it; it just gives us what we’re asking of it. So why not describe it with some flair? What this does is give our minds a clear description of what we want and then it will set out to shape our world just how we’re asking of it.
There’s a million ways of how we can take advantage of this technique, I have full trust in your abilities to find them.
Let’s face it, circumstances are always changing, that means that we have to keep adjusting our mental maps that define our goals and aspirations.
It’s much easier to remain flexible and go with the flow than to push against it. Sometimes finding our goals takes time, and with every tomorrow that you write, you get one step closer to knowing what they truly are.
Harmony and Peace,
Jean-Paul
September 15th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
If your client does not like to plan that is absolutely fine. She does though like to live in the moment.
Hence I would ask her what sort of actions she could take ‘in the moment’ each day that would move her towards her goal. Just look for samll actions and particularly actions that help develop habits that will help her acheive the goal.
Try and make it fun and light.
Tessa
September 16th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I, too, have had a client with a similar situation. I have two suggestions for this scenario:
1) Break down the areas of change into smaller bites. My experience is that my clients all have lots of things to change in their lives…but HUGE changes create overwhelm, ’scaring’ the client into frozen mode. So we work on choosing which one (which area, problem, etc) we’ll work on first. Within that one area, we’ll break that down into baby steps, identifying what may be stopping those baby steps from being achieved. It seems to take time, trust (in the process, and in themselves)and some real work on accountability…I’ll always check in often on this client, knowing they need more help than some others might.
Secondly, I’ve noticed that sometimes my choice of words may be the thing that stops them! “Routine” can be uplifting for some, and a lead weight for others. Maybe “plan” weighs her down…”map”, “journey”, etc. may not hold connotations that depress her. As you and your client find positive cues for her situation, always checking in with her as to how she feels about these changes, I think you may help her find that key to her ultimate successes.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Dear A.N.
Your client is most certainly spending most of her time in the past, bringing that into the future, thus clogging up her present. In the present is where her (everyone’s) power truly resides. Once she ‘gets’ this, inspired action will be ‘present’ for her.
All the best to you and your client,
Gabriele Reign
September 17th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
I think Jurgen Wolff above is heading in the right
direction. I’m not sure whose problem the not being
into planning is - the client’s or the coaches. You
don’t say that she is presenting this az a “problem”.
I would definitely introduce her to the laws of
attraction and begin tapping into her excitement at
the thought that before doing anything she needs to
focus on what she would like to be, have and do in
each of the “problem” areas. Rather than bemoaning
what isn’t happening, I have her look at what is
currently working and how she would like to amp that
up or create a totally new scenario. Ideal scenes that
unleash her imagination and in which she has FUN
seeing her self in scenarios that FEEL good, seeing
herself as healthy and gorgoues and really getting
into trying on that reality. . I would forbid her
from planning and tell her that if she really gets
clear on the inside about what is juicy and turns her
on that action will follow - inspired action. I would
also just notice that maybe its me who is the planner
and who is imposing a particular template on her - she
sounds like she doing better than she thinks - 6
figure income, shows up for coaching, has a speaker
training business - maybe its being present at the
right place at the right time as promised - rather
than planning. Planning may just be over rated.
September 27th, 2007 at 4:15 am
Hi Andrea and coaches!
I’m not a coach, but this question intrigued me. The client is allegedly “not a planner.” This gives the illusion that she’s standing still, but she’s actually still moving.
The difference is that in NOT planning ahead, she’s letting the moment carry her forward - instead of being in the driver’s seat.
If she planned ahead, she’d be equipped with the necessary means to turn the circumstances in her favor.
Being impulsive about everything means essentially being unprepared. You can still go with the flow… but isn’t it better when you’re a strong swimmer?
Just some thoughts from a copywriter!
December 9th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Great posts and all relevelant.
The client came for coaching to help with the growth of her quite successful business. Why is the coach trying to find a way “in”. Surely that IS the way in.
That is where I would start, finding out exactly what she wants for her business, working within the coachees paradigms and gradually, unobtrusively invite the idea of longer term goals without using that language.
If the client is still resistant just keep working on weekly (or whatever) sessions and keep it fresh and moving forward.
As a coach I want to work with my clients to help them see their own best selves. In order to do that we must allow them their own personal growth. When the client is comfortable, in perfect harmony with the coach I think this “problem” will dissipate naturally. She did seek out coaching after all.
As coaches we often try to “do” too much in order to give value and sometimes we just have to step back and let the process flow in rhythm with the moment.
As a couple of others have already stated, baby steps are the answer.
Joan