Excerpted from a collection of lessons at 39lessons.com

Lesson #30: Where Are You Coming From and Why Does it Matter To Your Coaching Online Business?

An Elusive But Important Mindset Shift

Today’s lesson was prompted by this email question, from someone who’s working through the complimentary mini-ecourse called ‘The 5 Keys to Putting Money In Coaches’ Pockets’ available here.

“Andrea, I appreciate your message regarding the importance of finding a niche. I am however, mostly impressed by your ‘influencing language’. I’m wondering, what is your source of learning that skill? What can you pass on to us? Again, more than your message, your language and metaphor reaches the subconscious, inspires and engenders belief.”

This is at once a truly fantastic question and a difficult one to answer. However, on a walk with my dogs the other day, I saw some signs on the fence of a golf course that will help make the point.

Focus on your ‘Come-From’ rather than any ‘technique’ of writing

This is the true essence of a Coaching Approach. And it’s also what’s mostly ignored by most people, other than coaches. Have a read and then tell me, how does this land?

Your Ability to Communicate Well - Persuasively and Genuinely - Will Have an Enormous Impact on Your Online Business Success

In your efforts at building a coaching business online, do you spend time honing writing techniques or speaking skills?

If you said yes, that’s seems reasonable. A lot of people do, right?

And while this isn’t wasted time per se, in my experience the better investment of your time is in figuring out something called a ‘come-from.’ Yours, to be exact.

What exactly is a ‘come-from?’

It’s your mindset, the direction in which your thoughts go, your point of view, your worldview, your attitude, where you sit or stand, and even what direction you point your feet.

In general speech, do you say “but” a lot, when you could say “and?”

When chatting with a client or customer, do you “you” versus “us?”

How often does your business say “no” to the outside world, whether that be vendors, clients, or internally?

Whether you know it or not, you have an internal bias that shows up as a ‘place’ that you come from, and this ‘come-from’ has a very strong impact on how you conduct your business, and how well your business is perceived, especially online.

More than anything, the power of your writing is driven, colored, ‘tainted’ by your ‘come-from’

To help with this, here is a concrete example of a come-from that was shifted. (This is what I saw on my dog walk.) Now…the before and after effect is quite dramatic but as an extra challenge, see if you can feel the difference in your body as well as your mind.

The dog walk borders on the Bow River in the South end of the City, and part of it faces onto a Driving Range called Riverside Golf Park. We find golf balls scattered there, on the other side of the very high fence, probably two or three each time we walk.

Here is an old sign posted on the fence, for all of us dog walkers to see.

OLDEST OF 3 SIGNS

You can see how old it is because you can hardly read it. Not to worry, by looking at it closely in real life, I can tell you it says “ALL GOLF BALLS ARE THE PROPERTY OF” above Riverside Golf Park.

And then it reads “Found Balls MUST be returned Immediately.”

And then the ‘No Exceptions’ you can see clearly for yourself.

Well I don’t know about you but when I first saw this sign I asked myself, cynically, “And if not, will you send the Golf Ball Police after me?”

But I digress.

Here is an updated version of the sign, hung on the same fence, but obviously newer:

This one is a little less ‘angry’ isn’t it? A little less imperative, and no longer in that dreaded red ink.

Seems reasonable enough I suppose.

But here comes the real shift. This is the latest sign that was hung on this same fence:

Oh my goodness, now we have it.

Can you feel the difference? Can you articulate it?

For one thing, nowhere does ‘Riverside Golf Park’ figure on the sign. Why? They figured it out. It’s not about them or what they call themselves. It’s about incentivizing the dog walkers, enlisting them, engaging them in something that’s in it for them.

Get it? It’s actually pretty breathless.

Whoever came up with this new sign deserves a huge medal and will fair fantastically no matter what they choose to do in life - build an online business, or something completely different. And it’s all in the come-from.

Can you apply a shift in your come-from and transfer that to your own online business?

Are there places in your business (or in your life) where your ‘posture’ is all about you? And not, in fact, about service, which is what coaches (mostly) claim drives them to be a coach?

Be honest now. Is your ego in your way?

Writing great copy, persuasive copy, and delivering top notch products really does stem from something as nebulous as getting your ‘come-from’ right and that can mean having to wrestle with your ego.

So…ask yourself…what is your come-from?

Might it be scaring off customers? How could you evolve your come from further to model generosity, abundance, love, attractiveness and therefore…create more business for yourself?

The signs above tell the story. Read them again and integrate the shifts. This stuff goes deep. Then write down five ways you can shift your come-from to be aligned with the values you embrace most.

This will improve your online business not only from a profits point of view, but also from a meaning point of view…your business will begin to represent who you are in a fundamental way that will continue to bring you joy.

Believe it. It’s one of the keys I’ve seen unlock businesses time and time again. Then again I’ve also seen it be the downfall of several others who just couldn’t ‘get’ this.

So I’m glad our reader asked this great question! Keep them coming!

A few more examples of great ‘come-froms’

At a Pet Store a sign says ‘Leashed Dogs Welcome’ (not, ‘No Pets Allowed’)

At Commerce Bank of New Jersey, an internal policy that says ‘One Yes, Two No’ (Meaning that any one bank member has the authority to say yes to a customer, but to say no requires two bank members…)

At the Swedish Furniture store IKEA, newly opened in Calgary, a sign says ‘We’re HIRING’ (And only in small letters… ‘now open!’ The emphasis being the benefit to Calgary in terms of jobs, as opposed to the fact the store is open.)

At the bottom of articles published online, a blurb saying ‘Duplication permitted with full attribution’ (Not, ‘Duplication prohibited.’)

On the inside cover of an ebook or website ‘This ebook is for your exclusive enjoyment.’ (Not, ‘Sharing or transferring this ebook is illegal and punishable by law.’)

Yikes! I think you’re starting to get the idea.

A final note…

This lesson has been long on mindset and short on nuts and bolts. However it’s no less important than any step-by-step outline in another lesson in the 39lessons.com collection.

Because who cares if you know exactly how to do something when you don’t understand the bigger why? Absorb these shifts and you’ll truly distinguish yourself as a businessperson - online or off.

Questions? Happy to help. Just email andrea@andreajlee.com.